As a world-traveler with over a half-million miles under my belt, you’d expect that I’d seen or known about some odd or remote cultures.  You’d be correct, although it may surprise you to learn that there is a small country in the Himalayas called Bhutan.  Bhutan is the world’s newest Democracy as well as the home of one of the world’s oldest Buddhist cultures.  Bhutan is known as the land of the Thunder Dragon and is romantically described as a land “shrouded for centuries in the misty serenity of the great Himalayas.”  Wow!

Legend or history or myth (take your choice) has it that several hundred years ago in the land of Bhutan, a Buddhist Saint named Drupka Kinley copulated with a female demon and so impressed her with the size of his penis that she was overwhelmed and became willing to give up her evil ways.Inspired by the brilliant and unusually satisfying means of his success, Drupka was then reported to have struck many dangerous demons over the head with his penis to subdue them that they too might then become protective deities.  Little did Drupka Kinley realize the far-reaching effects of his nights of self-sacrificing debauchery.

As chance would have it, this month, the King of Bhutan has declared his country a Democracy and passed the power from the throne to the people.  Before we wander off into the rights and responsibilities of a newly Democratic nation, let’s take a look at the trade possibilities that have opened up for Bhutan.

Europe, that bastion of Democracy, started to pass laws in the early 1990s to protect various goods and products from imitation and alteration.  These laws were given splendid titles like the Protected Designation of Origin (PDO), and the Protected Geographical Indication (PGI), and let’s not forget the good old Traditional Specialty Guaranteed (TSG).  Don’t those Europeans have a knack for catchy names?

With laws like this, our European cousins have been able to protect the names of cheeses, of wines, of meats, of olives, of beer, of breads, of vegetables, of fruits and more.  Cheeses like Gorgonzola, Asiago, Parmigiano Reggiano, can only be labeled as such if they come from a designated source region.  Roquefort cheese must be made from a particular type of sheep’s milk and aged in caves near the town of Roquefort in France, where the cheese is infused with the spores of a fungus that flourishes there.  And we thought it was just “Blue Cheese!”

Besides the fruit, vegetables, cheeses and wines, other products may share this benefit.  These laws also designate that products must meet certain quality tests that may be administered by the group that owns the exclusive right to the use of the indication. Now do you see where Bhutan has a unique opportunity? In 1994, the World Trade Organization’s (WTO) Agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights ("TRIPS") was finalized and all members agreed to certain basic standards for the protection of Geographic Indications (GIs) among its members.  We have now set the stage for the entry of Bhutan into the fold of the world’s great Democracies and we have provided a background relating to the WTO membership and the rights of member nations relative to TRIPS.

Let us now return briefly to the memory of that moment in Bhutanese history that may shortly come into view as one of the greatest controversies of the 21st Century - Drupka Kinley using his manhood to convert demons to benevolent deities.  These days at the now legendary monastery of Drupka, to commemorate the stupendous events of his centuries old battle to overcome the evil demons with the ingenious use of his penis as a weapon, there are several ceremonial wooden penises, some with silver handles (a modern touch) that are used solely to bless the devout.  The monks strike young women devotees on the head with the wooden penises to ward off evil spirits, to ensure fertility and to protect them against the evil eye.  As the centuries passed, across the land of the Thunder Dragon, the spurting penis has become a key part of ceremonies intended to caste out evil and foster fertility.  Entry walls of residences are often adorned with colorful depictions of these well-intended penises for the protection and benefits they can provide the inhabitants.  Walk down any street and you’ll be astonished by the proud painted replicas of Drupka’s mighty weapon which greet you from almost every doorway.

As a welcoming thrust into the world of Democracy and into the WTO, there are modern thinking citizens in Bhutan planning an assault on the pornography industry.  The issue is not a moral issue but one based simply upon those certain quality tests the WTO grants to the proper authorities.  The authorities in Bhutan contend that the use or misuse of the Bhutanese penis among member nations may have violated the Agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS) and someone must be made to pay.  But who?

Based on the documentation demonstrating hundreds of years of special qualities attributable to the Bhutanese penis; to bring good luck, to protect those who believe, and to assure fertility, a lawsuit is being contemplated to register the Bhutan penis as a TRIPS candidate under the WTO regulations and to forbid the use of the word “penis” in written or spoken presentations or sculpted representations of any kind.  This would apply especially in pornography if the use of the penis can be shown to bring about good fortune or protection from demons.

The Bhutanese feel they have a good case but the path through the courts for the Bhutanese penis will fittingly be long and hard, reminiscent of Drupka’s epic battles.  The entire sex toy manufacturing industry of China may soon find itself in debt to the Bhutanese and the memory of the Buddhist saint Drupka Kinley for the rights to offer the same benefits as the Bhutanese penis.

If you should desire to show your support and sympathy for the Bhutanese and desire to own a Bhutanese Penis key chain fob complete with the imprint of an official penis please send us your check or money order for $20 and we’ll pop one in the mail to you.

Geoffrey